Really nice...

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I love ~umbra-deus

Click me! You know you want to...

Dear "distessed-teen";

First let me say, I like your poem a lot. The message it gives is a really hard one for anyone to learn (truth told, I'm still trying to learn it myself! ) and your poem describes very well how painful it can be to even begin to learn it.

That said, I have to warn you that I absolutely *butchered* your poem. [See pasted text below.] Please don't take this as the way I think your work "should" read or look; it's only my "interpretation" of what is forever and only YOUR poem!

I hope you'll look at what I've done and take a little from it, but please don't think I want you to change your work to look like "my" version. I just want to suggest another way of looking at your words.

Thank you for sharing this and thank you especially for "baring your throat," so as to speak, by asking for other peoples' opinions. And finally, if you really don't like what I've done to your poem, I won't mind in the least if you totally throw out and disregard everything I have done with it.



" LOST AND ALONE "
by "distressed-teen"

She’s just so angry,
She wants to leave.
Run and run and run,
But she has nowhere to go.

She's walking away,
Tears falling down her face,
Glass cutting her bare feet,
The wind blowing her long hair back

She’s lost and confused,
So she’s walking,
With no destination,
Not talking

All the screaming, she’s sick of it.
She just wanted to get away
So she finally left.
Alone.

But now she’s walking
Down the street,
Not knowing where she is...
Or where she’s going.

She thinks to herself,
Maybe I was better staying there
But then she snaps back
To reality: She’s better off alone.

This way no one can tell her what to do.
She may be lost
and alone, but is this different from home?
Or was she just as alone--with more hate.

She won’t go back,
No matter how cold the nights get,
Or how hot the days get.
No matter how hungry she feels.

She will do anything to not go back to that hell!
She’s sitting in a field, many miles from home,
And now all she wants
Is to go back.

But she knows it’s too late,
She made a huge mistake.
There’s no way she can go back
now.

They will all just laugh,
Tell her they knew she would come back.
She’s better off alone,
Where’s there is no pressure.

No one jumping down her throat
Every minute of the day
But she knows she can’t live like this
For the rest of her life.

So she takes a deep breath,
Stands up and turns around.
The field is so beautiful and peaceful,
But she is leaving it behind.

She goes to the road and stares
Forward.
It’s a long way back,
So she'd better start going now.

She knows she’s going to do
The right thing by going back,
Now all she can do is hope
That this experience has made her stronger.

well, i like what you did with it, and no, dont worry, i don't take it the wrong way or whatever, i strongly want opinions, bcuz I PERSONALLY think my poems are good, but i havent had this, 'how can i say, inspire, or, i can't remember the word lol', but yah, i havent been inspired to write poems for that long, so im still experimenting with how to word them, some of my poems turn out like, almost exactly how i want them and i will NOT change those ones ('Unspoken Words' being one) but yah, i like what you did with it, but im not gunna change it, at least not yet, im gunna see what other people think first, but thanks a lot for the comment

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Check out my poems [link]

thanks

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Check out my poems [link]

Thank you! I am very relieved that you weren't angry or upset with me/my changes. Like I said, it's first, foremost and only YOUR work. I am pleased to hear you have other poems that you're sharing. I'm gonna go read some, but I promise to not butcher any more of your work, okay?


P.S. Do you think I use too many emoticons?

LOL first, i hope you like my poems, and it's okay, say what you honestly think about my poems, i need people like you who tell the truth and share their honest opinion, to be able to make really good poems and no, you use a lot of emoticons, lol, but that's not bad, and you dont use too many

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Check out my poems [link]

Thanks! Well, I'm off...got sidetracked last night, plus (depression) but now I'm gonna ! Cheers!

Nice poem. Gives you a dreaadful feeling of loneliness.

thanks

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Check out my poems [link]